just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize