Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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