Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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