they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
