Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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