do herpes really smell.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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