I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
