yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
