And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
