im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
