Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize