He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
