Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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