He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
