can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
