Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
