so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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