she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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