Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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