were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
