dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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