Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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