he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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