# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
