Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
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