Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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