No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
