Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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