I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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