i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
