One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
