I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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