the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
