david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
