I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
