lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
