Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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