It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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