shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
