Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
