I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
