Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Blood and glitter go together right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
