I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
