Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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