when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
