nut hugger
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
