woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize