so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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