My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He did a backflip because drugs
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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