I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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