but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
