Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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