lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
