Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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