Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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