If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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