I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
