let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize