420 ftw
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
