my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
