Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I won the penis lottery.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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