Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
