So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
