There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
