A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
