Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
